Forgiveness

At 60 years old I need to forgive myself.  In order to move forward and to connect myself with my Higher Self I need to forgive myself.  My spiritual advisor said I should write a letter to my older sister Elizabeth (my Betty).  I may do that I think it will help.  Betty passed two months after Dennis.  I have not “properly” dealt with her passing.  Was still in shock over Dennis.

I need her to forgive me for running away.  She was sick for 13 years and I was there for her and after many years I became selfish.  After 5 years I still thought she was supposed to get better.  I was pissed that she wasn’t and in a way I blamed her thinking she was not trying hard enough.  I guess part of me could not stand to see her sick and the other part felt selfish and just needed to take care of me for a while.  I was angry that she had not gotten better, I wanted my best friend back.  So, I ran away rather than deal with it any longer.  I relocated to Florida.  She passed away two months after Dennis and I just do not like myself for not being there for her.  I hope she knows how much I admired her.  How she was always my Heroine in life.  She was always there for everyone in her life but when things got tough, I ran away.  I was in NY for Dennis’ memorial celebration and I was able to go see her.  I was even trying to think of a valid reason for not going.  I was chicken.  My friend Carolyn told me to go.  Thank God I did.  It was a great visit and she was so excited … oh, and she was dead a month later.

 

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