At 60 years old I need to forgive myself. In order to move forward and to connect myself with my Higher Self I need to forgive myself. My spiritual advisor said I should write a letter to my older sister Elizabeth (my Betty). I may do that I think it will help. Betty passed two months after Dennis. I have not “properly” dealt with her passing. Was still in shock over Dennis.
I need her to forgive me for running away. She was sick for 13 years and I was there for her and after many years I became selfish. After 5 years I still thought she was supposed to get better. I was pissed that she wasn’t and in a way I blamed her thinking she was not trying hard enough. I guess part of me could not stand to see her sick and the other part felt selfish and just needed to take care of me for a while. I was angry that she had not gotten better, I wanted my best friend back. So, I ran away rather than deal with it any longer. I relocated to Florida. She passed away two months after Dennis and I just do not like myself for not being there for her. I hope she knows how much I admired her. How she was always my Heroine in life. She was always there for everyone in her life but when things got tough, I ran away. I was in NY for Dennis’ memorial celebration and I was able to go see her. I was even trying to think of a valid reason for not going. I was chicken. My friend Carolyn told me to go. Thank God I did. It was a great visit and she was so excited … oh, and she was dead a month later.