August

2018

(I’m not sure why I never published this last year – actually I do but I’m not sharing the reason.)

August was a pretty important month for Dennis and me.  We were married on my birthday, August 6th.  (Are you into numerology? I’m a 1 and Dennis was a 5 – together 6 – and his burial site is A6 – August 6 our anniversary – mean anything?  who knows)  Anyway … so it was a little tough this year.  So I am going to vent for a little while because I cannot believe how many stupid people I know.

I went to the cemetery and then came home and relaxed.  I had a nice dinner for myself and then drank Prosecco in the hot tub.

I actually had someone tell me “…don’t take this wrong but I’m jealous of how well you are handling his death…”  I’m not even sure how I wanted to take that but I did what I usually do, I ignored it.  I honestly believe that if you have a good, honest, healthy, happy relationship with someone, and they pass, you heal a little easier or differently, because you have no regrets.  If you have a screwed up relationship with someone, and they pass, you struggle because you have unfinished business, you need that “one more day” rather than wanting it.  Neither process is easy, just different, and you never “move on” you simply “move forward”.

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2 thoughts on “August

  1. Hey Carol, nice to see you writing again. I don’t know a lot about numerology, I am a 1 and my Bob was/is 4 or “22” which Jennifer Farmer says 22 is a special number — but whatever … but I’m not an expert on that. People say stupid stuff to widows all the time… you are right to just ignore it.

    I beg to differ with you regarding “good honest healthy relationships” heal faster, everyone grieves differently, but I had a healthy wonderful “soulmate” relationship and I am still grieving 4 years now — and it’s not easier, in fact think it’s harder as I know I will never ever find someone like him again…. and I also know a couple of widows who had “screwed up” relationships, who actually seem happy their spouse is dead, and they quickly move on with his insurance/pension/bank account, then buying new houses/cars/etc….. and partying — oh — and boyfriends

    Anyway you and I had a nice conversation awhile back, and I don’t think your grieving is “wrong” or “right”, you just grieving the way you got to do what you got to do and everyone is different. And sometimes we feel guilty, the should’ve/could’ve/would’ve — but can’t change the past. It is what it is.

    Anyway can we keep in touch?

    1. Thanks Diane for your thoughts. I guess I meant grieve different. Granted this is my first experience but it seems that those who had complicated relationships with Dennis are having a more difficult time regarding “regrets” or “wanting one more day”, where my grief is because I simply feel so alone and am dealing with the loss of my soul. Does that make sense? Perhaps I should clarify that part 🙂 Yes, I want to keep in touch and I still want to get together it has just been a difficult few weeks. XOXO Carol

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